The following article appeared in St. Ambrose University's student newspaper on October 24, 1958.
How To Date A Nurse
By John Williams
Assuming there are some of you freshmen who haven't taken out a Mercy nurse yet, The Ambrosian News, in its extensive public service program, offers some tips and ideas on what you can expect when you finally make the plunge.
You probably have met some of the nurses by now. No doubt many of you have already fallen in love and are going steady, but these instructions are more for the shy gentlemen.
First of all a word about the nurses: they are, of course, very nice young ladies, eager for masculine companionship - especially Ambrose masculine companionship. After all, is there any female on earth who can resist the charms of an Ambrose man? (And that's about as rhetorical a question you'll ever hear!)
Now to get down to business. You met Susie Stench at the Mercy Mixer, and you think she's pretty neat. "But she wouldn't want to go out with me," you say. Nonsense. Remember you are from Big A. You have everything you need - poise, confidence, sense of humor, money ...
The next step is to call the number so close to the hearts of all Ambrosians - 7-5217 - the hallowed Hall of Marian.
"Good evening, Marian Hall."
"May I please speak to Susan Stench?"
"One moment please."
"Hello. This is Susie."
"Hi Susie. This is Clyde Curd. I just thought I'd call and see how you're makin' out."
"How I'm what?"
"Well ... I mean ... you know ... how you're gettin' along and all that."
"Oh. For a minute I thought ... Well never mind. It's nice to hear from you."
"Say Susie, I was wondering if you'd like to go to a movie ..."
"Miss Stench your time is up."
"... with me Friday night."
"Oh. Yes, I'd like to Clyde. I'm afraid I have to get off the phone now, though."
"O.K., then. I'll pick you up at eight. Bye."
Now that wasn't so hard, was it? All you have to do now is talk to your day student buddy, Jim Bag, the phys. ed. major. He was talking about doubling with you, and besides, he has a ‘58 Ford convertible.
When you get to Marian Hall you tell the house-mother you want Susie. She whips out a loud speaker with a three block range and announces for all to hear, "Miss Stench, you have company in the parlor."
Well, Susie walks out, looking as cute as ever, and proceeds to sign out. Always allow at least fifteen minutes for this, because it's a pretty complicated process. After they give you your blood test and fingerprint, Susie is yours to entertain for the evening.
The four of you plan to see a movie and have a snack, but the show you go to is one of those exciting double features. The climax is coming up in the second movie when you suddenly realize that it is ten to twelve. You have ten minutes to get Susie to the hospital.
You evade the police cars, get Susie back in time, and cruise into Davis Hall and make your own deadline. That was really an experience, you tell yourself. Next time it will be different.
And sure enough, next time it is different. You ask Susie out for next Friday night, and you find she has to work at the hospital until 7:30. She is scheduled to work the next morning also, and she must be in by eleven. Well, you plan your time carefully, have a lot of fun, and get her back at 10:56. You get up enough nerve to kiss her good night and you're really feeling fine.
After your third date, for the first time, you get a really good long look at the Marian Hall parlor at its finest. You see approximately eighty couples bestowing affection on each other, under the unwatchful eyes of the ignoring housemother.
You fight your way in among the couples and proceed to take your part in this never to be forgotten scene - a scene destined to become a routine part of your time at Ambrose.
At the stroke of twelve the housemother suddenly becomes aware of her surroundings, stops her ignoring, and begins her little part in the scene. Her arousement is the signal to drop what you're doing and flee. There are always a few who linger until the last moment, but a gentle poke in the back usually persuades them to leave.
If you seriously and conscientiously follow the instructions, you should become pretty established at Mercy, and deserve the hard earned title of "The Nurses' Friend."
Remember, any effort put forth now will be rewarded in the future. Stick with it. Every Ambrose man soon learns that the Mercy girls are nothing but the greatest, and if anything were changed, life wouldn't be as interesting or as much fun.
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You probably have met some of the nurses by now. No doubt many of you have already fallen in love and are going steady, but these instructions are more for the shy gentlemen.
First of all a word about the nurses: they are, of course, very nice young ladies, eager for masculine companionship - especially Ambrose masculine companionship. After all, is there any female on earth who can resist the charms of an Ambrose man? (And that's about as rhetorical a question you'll ever hear!)
Now to get down to business. You met Susie Stench at the Mercy Mixer, and you think she's pretty neat. "But she wouldn't want to go out with me," you say. Nonsense. Remember you are from Big A. You have everything you need - poise, confidence, sense of humor, money ...
The next step is to call the number so close to the hearts of all Ambrosians - 7-5217 - the hallowed Hall of Marian.
"Good evening, Marian Hall."
"May I please speak to Susan Stench?"
"One moment please."
"Hello. This is Susie."
"Hi Susie. This is Clyde Curd. I just thought I'd call and see how you're makin' out."
"How I'm what?"
"Well ... I mean ... you know ... how you're gettin' along and all that."
"Oh. For a minute I thought ... Well never mind. It's nice to hear from you."
"Say Susie, I was wondering if you'd like to go to a movie ..."
"Miss Stench your time is up."
"... with me Friday night."
"Oh. Yes, I'd like to Clyde. I'm afraid I have to get off the phone now, though."
"O.K., then. I'll pick you up at eight. Bye."
Now that wasn't so hard, was it? All you have to do now is talk to your day student buddy, Jim Bag, the phys. ed. major. He was talking about doubling with you, and besides, he has a ‘58 Ford convertible.
When you get to Marian Hall you tell the house-mother you want Susie. She whips out a loud speaker with a three block range and announces for all to hear, "Miss Stench, you have company in the parlor."
Well, Susie walks out, looking as cute as ever, and proceeds to sign out. Always allow at least fifteen minutes for this, because it's a pretty complicated process. After they give you your blood test and fingerprint, Susie is yours to entertain for the evening.
The four of you plan to see a movie and have a snack, but the show you go to is one of those exciting double features. The climax is coming up in the second movie when you suddenly realize that it is ten to twelve. You have ten minutes to get Susie to the hospital.
You evade the police cars, get Susie back in time, and cruise into Davis Hall and make your own deadline. That was really an experience, you tell yourself. Next time it will be different.
And sure enough, next time it is different. You ask Susie out for next Friday night, and you find she has to work at the hospital until 7:30. She is scheduled to work the next morning also, and she must be in by eleven. Well, you plan your time carefully, have a lot of fun, and get her back at 10:56. You get up enough nerve to kiss her good night and you're really feeling fine.
After your third date, for the first time, you get a really good long look at the Marian Hall parlor at its finest. You see approximately eighty couples bestowing affection on each other, under the unwatchful eyes of the ignoring housemother.
You fight your way in among the couples and proceed to take your part in this never to be forgotten scene - a scene destined to become a routine part of your time at Ambrose.
At the stroke of twelve the housemother suddenly becomes aware of her surroundings, stops her ignoring, and begins her little part in the scene. Her arousement is the signal to drop what you're doing and flee. There are always a few who linger until the last moment, but a gentle poke in the back usually persuades them to leave.
If you seriously and conscientiously follow the instructions, you should become pretty established at Mercy, and deserve the hard earned title of "The Nurses' Friend."
Remember, any effort put forth now will be rewarded in the future. Stick with it. Every Ambrose man soon learns that the Mercy girls are nothing but the greatest, and if anything were changed, life wouldn't be as interesting or as much fun.
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